I feel like this post is like the final installment of Harry Potter or something. That's how people have acted about it! I find joy in the fact that people really, truly appreciate what I write and actually give a crap and a half. To you, person who reads this thing, this one goes out to you.
In the past month, I've found a reoccurring word that people use to describe me. Just yesterday the love of my life (MATTIAS ÅSTRÖM) told me that out of all the people he knows, I have the most of it. No, no, not balls. And no, it ain't moxie either (close second though). People tell me I have STRENGTH. I've never really paid attention to the nut-cases that call me strong because I've never really seen myself as a strong person. I mean, I cried 3 times a day in California and I can't watch movies with animals because I know they always die (I'm not kidding. I haven't even seen Beethoven and apparently the dog lives). I guess they refer to the fact that I could laugh at my dad's funeral when I thought about how he brought me and my brothers to America's Largest McDonald's and made us eat sandwiches in the parking lot (Daddy-o was a funny, but cruel cruel man). Or how I've been to like 84 and a half high schools and haven't tried to be emancipated from my parents (About that....). I've never truly understood why people tell me I have strength, but I might be one of those people who has a trait that everyone but them notices. Like, you know that girl who is flawless in every single way, but can't see it? Or the guy who could cure cancer while playing Mozart on the piano as he makes the world's perfect pancake, but smokes like 12 pounds of pot a day?
I guess I should get to the point about these hidden gems of traits. The past few days I've been doing a little soul searching and I've realized that I don't think I know my own strength. Yeah, that usually goes for the stallions in the gym, but I'm thinking it could be a little internal too. I mean, in the next few months, I'll be moving out of my parent's house to live with an AMAZING friend and her JUST AS AMAZING family for a better future for myself. I'll be pumping my OWN gas and doing my OWN laundry, which literally I've done 5 times in my life.. combined. I'll have to be responsible, while my parents are sippin' pina colada's on our back porch in Cali.... Literally, now that I'm gone, that could happen. It's like I'm losing my parents, but thankfully, just like my dad used to be, they'll only be a phone call away. The point is, a person who is considered "weak" couldn't do that. A weak person couldn't be put through a lot of emotionally challenging things and come out scar-free. Sure I have some bumps and bruises, but show me one person that wouldn't. I like to think the events in my life are like creatine. Yes, I'm a girl who is well aware what creatine is. And every time I cross a new event/dosage of creatine, I'm a stronger girl than I was before. And for that, I say thank God (and admit it, you probably think I'm so much cooler because I just used creatine as a comparison to life).
To wrap it up, I guess sometimes, I look at life and I, unfortunately, dwell on the things that could be. Like, oh I don't know, being a normal teenager. But, honestly, I'm thinking I'm finally starting to come to the realization that I will NEVER be a normal teenager, because living in 3 states and going to 4 high schools and making new friends and learning new things, makes me who I am. Sure, one day I'll tell my kids the story about how I left Texas when I was 8 then left Lafayette when I was 14 then left Bossier when I was 16 and then left California when I was 16 to live in Bossier again and then when I was 17 I moved away for college, and chances are, if I've raised them right, they'll dropkick me before I can get to age 16 (I plan on raising MMA fighters or Power Rangers, whatever their father prefers). I guess the point is, I actually HAVE a story to tell my kids. I'm sure they'll be more interested in the fact I lived in these two POLAR opposite places and met POLAR opposite people, than that I went to the same school my whole life. Yeah. Be. Jeal.
I know I've been slacking on this blogging thing, but we'll put it like this: You could either have 30 depressing, tearful, i-hate-my-life posts, OR this one post about something that might entertain you. But, I've realized this thing really helps me clear my thoughts. I know you Louisiana people reading this aren't as boho fab as the California Jess, but I encourage you to do something like this that helps you really think about things. It's better than alcohol.....
No, seriously.
Well, be yourself, be strong, and behave.
Love & Creep,
Jess
I know I've been slacking on this blogging thing, but we'll put it like this: You could either have 30 depressing, tearful, i-hate-my-life posts, OR this one post about something that might entertain you. But, I've realized this thing really helps me clear my thoughts. I know you Louisiana people reading this aren't as boho fab as the California Jess, but I encourage you to do something like this that helps you really think about things. It's better than alcohol.....
No, seriously.
Well, be yourself, be strong, and behave.
Love & Creep,
Jess
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