Scholarships, scholarships, scholarships. College is just around the corner and every little bit counts. Sorry it's been so long, I promise one of these days when things calm down, I'll catch ya'll up, but as of now, COLLEGE, GIVE ME MONEY!!
http://www.fastweb.com/referral/jessphs816
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Love & God
If I've learned anything in my 16 years, I've learned the most about relationships and about God: The importance of both, separate and together. The reasons I know so much about these two things is because these are the two most influential things in my life. These are the two things, that for as long as I can remember, I've been taught the most about. Some things intentionally, some things unintentionally. I've always been receptive to these things because I know how much of an impact they have on your life, christian or not christian.
I have been exposed to every sort of relationship there is: The good, the bad, and the ugly. In my real parent's marriage, I learned the difficulties of being a christian and being married to a non-christian. After 15 years of marriage and a big mistake, they were divorced. As small as I was, I remember bits and pieces, along with what my mom and brothers have told me. My mom was and always has been strong in her relationship with God. Unfortunately, when her and my dad met, it wasn't as strong as it was as she grew in her walk with the Lord, throughout her marriage with my dad. It was always hard for her to be married to someone she wasn't exactly equally yolked with. So, after her divorce, she knew when she got married, IF she ever got married again, it would have to be with someone who loved God more than he loved her...
I'm not sure of the timeline, but 5 months before my 7th birthday, my mom and step-dad were married. My mom: 37. My step-dad: 25. Let me clarify some things: He was working a job that paid for the necessities of a BACHELOR, taking on a wife, 2 sons, and a daughter. He loved us kids so much and we loved him even when he was "Mom's friend, Paul." He loved my mom so much, and it has clearly grown every single day since then. Most of all, my step-dad loved God. He knew taking on the responsibility of us 3 bad chil'ren and a wife wouldn't be easy and 10 years later, I don't know a couple like my parents.. In their 10 years, I have not ONCE seen them fight or argue. Disagree? Of course... But Paul usually just lets mom win when that happens. Smart man.
Paul taught me what a man is. I literally feel bad for my future husband because he has some HUGE shoes to fill. Paul is a real man. I've never been able to be a bratty teenager (KEEP READING BEFORE YOU LAUGH, MOM) who throws a tantrum and tells him "Well, you aren't my real dad!" because he was a real dad to me and my brothers. He loved us even though he didn't have to. We were inconsiderate, selfish, bad little kids, but he loved us like his own. I want you to understand that in no way am I talking down about about my real dad. My daddy was a king and I was his princess, but even he knew how incredible my step-dad was. Daddy thanked Paul for the years he took care of us before he passed away. My daddy died knowing we were taken care of. Like I said, future husband, take notes from Paul, 'cause that's what I'm searching for. I don't know if it's possible to compete with him, but, I mean, you can try, I guess.
I've learned that to be in a relationship that works, you have to be with someone that makes you want to be a better person. Someone who makes you reflect on yourself and makes you want to be better for them. Not because they're ASKING you to do so, but because they are so incredible, you want to be on the same page as them. I'm blessed enough to be with someone who loves God so much more than he loves me. Someone I can pray with every night and talk about God with whenever I want. Someone who wants to a better man of God, because he knows he isn't worthy. He makes me want to do the same exact thing. He isn't Paul Martin status yet, but I have to admit he's trying. He knows how much I respect my step-dad, so I think that's his goal.... BUT Taylor will never be as handy with a hammer as Paul is. He can try and try, but Paul will always have him beat.
I've been exposed to terrible relationships: Relationships rooted in lies and in jealousy and in distrust. I've seen Godless relationships: Relationships with happiness, but a missing puzzle piece. And I've seen relationships founded in happiness, in love, and in God. I respect these relationships because it really is true love. I'm so blessed that I'm on the right track.
Love & Creep,
Jess
I have been exposed to every sort of relationship there is: The good, the bad, and the ugly. In my real parent's marriage, I learned the difficulties of being a christian and being married to a non-christian. After 15 years of marriage and a big mistake, they were divorced. As small as I was, I remember bits and pieces, along with what my mom and brothers have told me. My mom was and always has been strong in her relationship with God. Unfortunately, when her and my dad met, it wasn't as strong as it was as she grew in her walk with the Lord, throughout her marriage with my dad. It was always hard for her to be married to someone she wasn't exactly equally yolked with. So, after her divorce, she knew when she got married, IF she ever got married again, it would have to be with someone who loved God more than he loved her...
I'm not sure of the timeline, but 5 months before my 7th birthday, my mom and step-dad were married. My mom: 37. My step-dad: 25. Let me clarify some things: He was working a job that paid for the necessities of a BACHELOR, taking on a wife, 2 sons, and a daughter. He loved us kids so much and we loved him even when he was "Mom's friend, Paul." He loved my mom so much, and it has clearly grown every single day since then. Most of all, my step-dad loved God. He knew taking on the responsibility of us 3 bad chil'ren and a wife wouldn't be easy and 10 years later, I don't know a couple like my parents.. In their 10 years, I have not ONCE seen them fight or argue. Disagree? Of course... But Paul usually just lets mom win when that happens. Smart man.
Paul taught me what a man is. I literally feel bad for my future husband because he has some HUGE shoes to fill. Paul is a real man. I've never been able to be a bratty teenager (KEEP READING BEFORE YOU LAUGH, MOM) who throws a tantrum and tells him "Well, you aren't my real dad!" because he was a real dad to me and my brothers. He loved us even though he didn't have to. We were inconsiderate, selfish, bad little kids, but he loved us like his own. I want you to understand that in no way am I talking down about about my real dad. My daddy was a king and I was his princess, but even he knew how incredible my step-dad was. Daddy thanked Paul for the years he took care of us before he passed away. My daddy died knowing we were taken care of. Like I said, future husband, take notes from Paul, 'cause that's what I'm searching for. I don't know if it's possible to compete with him, but, I mean, you can try, I guess.
I've learned that to be in a relationship that works, you have to be with someone that makes you want to be a better person. Someone who makes you reflect on yourself and makes you want to be better for them. Not because they're ASKING you to do so, but because they are so incredible, you want to be on the same page as them. I'm blessed enough to be with someone who loves God so much more than he loves me. Someone I can pray with every night and talk about God with whenever I want. Someone who wants to a better man of God, because he knows he isn't worthy. He makes me want to do the same exact thing. He isn't Paul Martin status yet, but I have to admit he's trying. He knows how much I respect my step-dad, so I think that's his goal.... BUT Taylor will never be as handy with a hammer as Paul is. He can try and try, but Paul will always have him beat.
I've been exposed to terrible relationships: Relationships rooted in lies and in jealousy and in distrust. I've seen Godless relationships: Relationships with happiness, but a missing puzzle piece. And I've seen relationships founded in happiness, in love, and in God. I respect these relationships because it really is true love. I'm so blessed that I'm on the right track.
Love & Creep,
Jess
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Got red on my head, but don't call me a redhead
When I moved to California, I gained a different sense of confidence. I don't know if it was being around new people or what, but I started not to care what people thought about me, internally or externally. I could say and be whoever I wanted, and never really cared how people thought about me. In fact, people seemed to like me more when I wasn't trying to tip-toe around everyone's feelings about me. Now that I'm about to start school in Bossier, it's happening again. I have that same self-conscious mentality. I care so much about what people think of me and, honest to God, do not know why.
The saddest thing of all, is that I've been told that people look up to me because of me IDGAF attitude. People respected the fact that I didn't care what people saw me as. I feel pathetic. Or should I say felt....
I'm going to try to renew my favorite character trait... So... I dyed my hair red.
Yeah? So what? I don't know why this subtle change makes me feel so.. empowered. I can do anything now. So, I got a Tumblr. I stood up for myself. I'm just on a roll, man.
So, to you, anyone with the fear of other's persecution, whether the things you say or the things you wear: Conquer a fear and all the fears fall conquered after. You see, all your fears are bundled together. No matter if it's fear of heights or fear of standing up for yourself; When one of your fears have been defeated, big or small, your sense of accomplishment will raise you to such a high that your other fears don't look as devastating as they did before. Of course, this is all personal experience. Results may vary.
This was just a personal rant and ramble. No need to judge ;)
Love & Creep,
Jess
The saddest thing of all, is that I've been told that people look up to me because of me IDGAF attitude. People respected the fact that I didn't care what people saw me as. I feel pathetic. Or should I say felt....
I'm going to try to renew my favorite character trait... So... I dyed my hair red.
Yeah? So what? I don't know why this subtle change makes me feel so.. empowered. I can do anything now. So, I got a Tumblr. I stood up for myself. I'm just on a roll, man.
So, to you, anyone with the fear of other's persecution, whether the things you say or the things you wear: Conquer a fear and all the fears fall conquered after. You see, all your fears are bundled together. No matter if it's fear of heights or fear of standing up for yourself; When one of your fears have been defeated, big or small, your sense of accomplishment will raise you to such a high that your other fears don't look as devastating as they did before. Of course, this is all personal experience. Results may vary.
This was just a personal rant and ramble. No need to judge ;)
Love & Creep,
Jess
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Oh, at least we made it this far
"Distance means so little when someone means so much"
Two and a half more months. Two and a half more months. Two and a half more months.
Love & Creep,
Jess
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