There aren't many things I love more than walks on the beach at night. I could list a billion things about what I love about it. Like when high tide is coming in and it's a mystery if it'll be a high wave or won't come very close to me. When the foam of the ocean touches my toes and it's not as cold as when my whole foot is submerged. Thinking about who I know that has touched the same water I'm touching and talking to God and my dad.
I got to do those very things last night and I can honestly say when I was wondering the pitch black beach with only the moon's reflection off the sand as my light, with my eyes closed, listening to the waves, I was the happiest I've been in months. There was so much on my mind. Bad things, good things, things on my to-do list, the teenage couple making out on lifeguard stand 13, etc. My day was good, my friends were good, but being alone (when the horny teens left, of course) was the best. I haven't been alone in months. Really alone. I don't like being alone much, but when I can catch a half hour of it, wow. It's the best.
But, there's a problem with being alone.. being alone. Feeling like no one is there for you. Feeling like no one knows what you're going through. Not having the people that are supposed to be there for you. Dwelling on who isn't there.
But, there's goodness of loneliness.. having you time. Thinking of the good and who you have. Dwelling on who you have. Marinating on the good and the "DUH"wins.
I'm appreciating the little while left I have on the west coast. I have only a few months left in Cali before I'm back HOME for a couple months. I seem calm, but I'm FREAKING OUT. I am counting the milliseconds before I'm eating Louisiana cuisine and tanning on lawn chairs and being the only girl not afraid to go underwater because, frankly, idgaf about my hair. These are the things I live for. Louisiana, I'm coming.
Love & Creep,
Jess
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